If you survived the SEGA CD era of crappy FMV games, you’re probably like me: highly skeptical of anytime game publishers decide to Go Full Hollywood and film a live action trailer for an upcoming game. To me, live action trailers ask questions that most game publishers don’t want asked of their wares, such as:
- What are you hiding?
- Is your game actually a pile of Chihuahua droppings and this is your way of distracting me long enough to get my $60?
- Do any of the events portrayed in this trailer happen in the real game?
- Will you be blasting Immigrant Song during tense FPS shootouts? Please say no.
- Why do I give a crap if Michael Phelps plays Call of Duty?
While I applaud the work that goes into making a video game into a compelling live action experience, what I don’t understand is who the target audience is. Call of Duty aside, and they’ve had some really good, funny trailers, there hasn’t been much of a tie-in between live action trailers and successful games – just ask the zillion-selling Grand Theft Auto franchise.
And yet year after year, marketing dipshits working with otherwise respectable game publishers crank out the worst forms of contrived dreck to get you excited about a game they don’t even bother to show you. Are they ashamed of their creations? Or are game publishers just so gung-ho Hollywood-wannabe that they don’t mind blowing millions on spots that have nearly nothing to do with their games?
Case in point: Lawbreakers
I’ve been looking forward to this game for well over a year now and will undoubtedly buy it when it’s released next month, but this trailer does absolutely nothing to entice me into doing so, while doing everything embarrass me for being a gamer. It’s loud, it’s stupid, it’s bro-tarded, and a hundred other adjectives that scream “LOOK HOW HIP I AM!”
Fuck that. What a waste of money.
See also: Destiny
Just because you have the budget to license music from my dad’s vinyl collection doesn’t mean you should, Activision. But that aside, this spot has just enough money behind it to come off like an episode of a Mighty Morphin Power Rangers spin-off.
And that’s about it. Yawn.
And finally, the oh so serious: Halo ODST
I feel bad listing this one because I enjoyed the shit out of ODST, it’s my second favorite Bungie Halo title. That said, melodrama much? I thought this was an action game, not a slow-panning reading of War & Peace. In truth, I’ve tried watching this trailer at least a dozen times and I’ve yet to make it all the way through it. It’s that dull. Everything the game itself is not.
And for good measure: F.E.A.R. 3
I’m not sure which is worse, that this trailer looks like a bad film school project or that they successfully hired the worst voice actor in gaming ad history. I own a sealed copy of F.E.A.R. 3 because of this trailer. I’ll never open it. Nothing with a trailer this terrible deserves to be played. Fuck that.